Happy Leap Year to everyone in America.

Lindsay Lohan...worst Party City wig in America.

OH MY GAHHH...

And we still have one month to go in America.

Coolest mayor in America.

Sheryl Crow in a bikini...scariest skeletor in America.

Dallas...greatest show that ever was in America.

TWO flip phone cameras...greatest quality of pictures in America...?

Harvard gave Tyra Banks a diploma...time for all the rest of us to jump in America.

Truest statement in America.

Most disturbing tabloid cover in America.

Matt Romney...hottest Romney son in America.

Nicki Minaj...bluest person in America.

Beyonce and Jay-Z pound it out at the Nicks game...pound it was soooo 2008 in America.

Ranch...greatest condiment in America.

PARTY...it is Mardi Gras in America!

Let's induce this already in America.

Shot-ski...greatest way to take shots in America.

Megan...best bridesmaid ever in America.

Taylor Momsen...most horrific eye make-up in America.

Miley with her pants unbuttoned...easiest access in America.

Don't drink and drive in America.

Toddlers & Tiaras and their matching pageant moms...scariest thing in America.

Kelly Osbourne...worst hair color in America

Chris Brown...biggest moron in America.

Coco...biggest butt in America.

Valentine's Day...worst day to be on Facebook in America.

Jean Claude Van Damme...biggest imposter in America.

Lesbian couple from Alaska become first same-sex pair to wed on top of Empire State building.

Happy damn Valentine's Day to everyone in America...

Soul patches should be outlawed in America.

Harper Beckham...bitchiest baby in America.

Most white trash proposal in America.

Jesse James robbed his first bank on February 13, 1866

Baddest outlaw in America.

Nicki Manaj...most Satanic person in America.

A father shoots up daughter's lap top after Facebook post.

Strictest dad in America.

Crocs...worst shoes in America.

Macaulary Culkin...most terrifying grown up child star in America.

Happy 89th Birthday Texas Tech!

Greatest University in America.

Mississippi bill wants Gulf of Mexico to be renamed Gulf of America.

Patriotism in America.

Miley Cyrus...legit definition of white trash with money in America.

Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone get shoulder surgery.

Two oldest meatheads in America.

Most interesting cat in America.

Courtney Stodden...trashiest mermaid in America.

Most awkward girl on girl kiss in America.

Garth Brooks...born February 7, 1962.

Happy Birthday to the most exceptional country music performer in America.

Fattest fake after baby body in America.

Tom Brokaw was born February 6, 1940. Happy Birthday to the greatest television journalist in America.

Patriots lose Super Bowl...beyond heartbroken in America.

Michael Cera...creepiest mustache in America.