Chili's too...greatest airport dining in America.

Smithsonianmag.com named Great Barrington, MA as the best small town in America.

Justin Bieber...most annoying wigger in America.

RIP Dick Clark...oldest teenager in America.

Kelsey Grammer gets his fourth wife's name tattooed on his stomach...can't wait for him to get divorced again in America.

Dumbest tweets in America.

Paris Hilton at Coachella...worst hippie poser in America.

Brides try feeding tubes to rapidly lose weight...most desperate dieting in America.

Tupac performs at Coachella...knew he was still alive in America.

4 feet of hail in Amarillo, Texas...most hail in America.

Happy Grilled Cheese Day to everyone in America.

Beyonce...biggest suck up in America.

Kristen Stewart...most awkward person in America.

Pudge Rodriguez...first crush in America.

Alicia Silverstone feeds her baby like a bird...grossest/most unnecessary child feeding method in America.

Charles Manson was denied his 12th parole...let's be serious...Hell will freeze over before this happens in America.

Nothing worse than a bartender measuring your booze...

The Jigger...worst bar accessory in America.

Coco spills wine on a baby...scariest babysitter in America.

James Franco....orrrrr K-Fed in America.

Happy Easter Week to everyone in America.

Merle Haggard was born April 6, 1937.

Happy Birthday to one of the greatest musicians in America.

(Shout out to Sandy...Mama tried...)

Nicole Kidman to play Grace Kelly in Grace of Monaco...worst casting in America.

Tim Tebow getting a Mani and Pedi...such a pansy in America.

Mirlande Wilson has claimed to have LOST her winning Mega-Millions lotto ticket...biggest dumbass in America.

(Also, I don't believe her for one second. She's an attention whore, a fraud, and a Haitian...in America.)

Harvard University...richest college in America.

Christie Brinkley...hottest 58 year old Barbie in America.

Lara Flynn Boyle...worst trout lips in America.

Katie Couric best Today show host ever in America.

ONLY Garth Brooks can wear flame shirts in America.

Texas Rangers' $26 Champion Dog...most ludicrous hot dog in America.

Happy National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day to everyone in America.