Kim Kardashian...most uncomfortable muffin in top in America.

 

John Mayer...Douchiest Santa in America.

Best Mits in America.

 

 

(Shout out to Kelly Ann)

Christina Aguilera...HOLY MOLY...biggest ass in America.

RIP Larry Hagman aka J.R. Ewing on the amazing show Dallas...greatest television villain in America.

Ugh, what happened to Emma Stone...worst makeunder in America.

Oprah thinks she can just wear house slippers everywhere and not abide by the No Shoes No Shirt No Service policy...

Most entitled black woman in America.

Happy Movember to everyone in America.

Hawtest month in America.



Mason...he gets it the most in America.

Hocus Pocus...best Halloween movie in America.

Zach Galifianakis sports artificial stomach for Hangover III...greatest fake belly in America.

10.26.12...Happy Chicken Fried Steak Day to everyone in America!

Willow Smith...most rediculously dramatic 11-year old in America.

Skyler Berman...the next Chuck Bass in America!?

Those are some big shoes to fill, my friend.

I am super happy that Tyra Banks is working out...but is she dying...Ugliest running face in America.

Cheesiest Christmas album in America.

Kris doing her typical lean in...biggest attention whore in America.

Most ridiculous...not to mention most uncomfortable bathing suit attire in America.

Jennie Garth just stop with the crimped hair and those pants...it is 2012 and you are 40...

You will never actually be Kelly Taylor in America.

Snoop Dogg gets high with his son...Dopest parenting in America

Happy National Cheeseburger Day to everyone in America...from your most favorite vegetarian in America.

Lindsay Lohan is literally the most despicable person in America.

The Target dog has the most normal reaction to a Christina Aguilera smooch in America

Obie...fattest Dachshund in America.

Harper Beckham waddling down the runway at New York Fashion Week...

the pudgiest runway model in America.

Miley and Pink at the Video Music Awards last week...

Miley is being the most ridiculous copycat in America.

Largest pacifier in America.

(Shout out to precious angel baby, Campbell Cervenka!)

Sickest Halloween treat in America.

Kim K...grossest side shot in America.

Michael Strahan becomes Kelly Ripa's co-host...worst Regis replacement in America.

 

Besse Cooper...oldest person in America/World.

MSN named Harlingen, Texas...cheapest city to live in America.

Most fabulous syrup in America.

Prince Harry and Ryan Lochte have a race in Vegas...greatest swim off in America.

Lochte won...Jeah in America.

And speaking of trainwrecks...Lindsay Lohan being her usual hot mess self in America.

I literally can not deal with Amanda Bynes...biggest trainwreck in America.

THESE two as the new American Idol judges...God help us all in America.

And seriously...why is this show still on the air in America!?

Suri...brattiest six year old in America.

Amanda Bynes...I am calling it...next crazy Britney Spears in America.

Best Vodka in America.

(Shout out Dan McCarthy!)

Steve Martin born 08.14.1945...Happy Birthday to the greatest Father of the Bride in America.



Ryan Lochte...biggest Olympic douche in America.

#jeah

I would rather never be married than have the worst Save the Date in America.

Dear Heather Locklear, Pigtails over the age of five are NOT okay. 



Act your age in America.

Amanda Bynes had her FOURTH hit and run...deadliest driver in America.

Kendall Jenner...why even bother putting pants on at all in America!?

Bret Michaels and his baby mama broke up...I can't wait for another season of Rock of Love...Greatest trashy reality dating show in America.

Annnd please bring back Rodeo...most favorite contestant in America.